On Those Who Are Questionably Queer (who aren't so questionable)

[Originally posted on March 12th 2010]

Another blog of brief, my dearests. For today, after work I am off to NYC with the great B and C and thus will not find the time to post this delicious little tidbit for a few days. So I’ll just give it to you here:

by now I hope you’ve stopped reading my prose and are ogling the video. If you haven’t yet, then FUCKING GET ON IT, IT’S FUCKING LADY GAGA’S NEW VIDEO AND YOU ARE ABOUT TO HAVE YOUR QUEER LITTLE MIND MOTHA FUCKING BLOWN. Ahem, 'scuse me. But seriously…gay gay gay gay gay. Gay. And I love it. We’ll discuss more later, I promise, but for now, enjoy it and while you’re at it, turn it into a drinking game. For every gay thing you see, take a drink! Too early for drinks? Hot toddies, ya pansy, didn’t I mention those in an earlier post??

Also, just saying, the last time I was in NYC I had never left the woods, was underage, straight, and still confined to the box labeled Female. Sooo, basically this weekend will probably be epic. Have no fear my favorite followers, I’ll report back with all the dangerous details…alliteration avenger away!

On Boston Style

[Originally posted on March 11th 2010]

Okay, so I will be having some serious thoughts coming up in later posts, however, I only have so much time to post a blog while I am at work. For instance, I am currently waiting for blood samples to freeze so I can thaw them, so I can freeze them, so I can thaw them, and make DNA. No joke. My life. Therefore, I have some moments right now for this brief little update of words.

I have been doing some serious thinking lately on fashion. If you know Madi, this is actually not something I normally talk about. Alas, the trendy beast that is Boston has me in a choke hold and I am just going to run with it.

Which brings me to the picture here.

For as many reasons as I appreciate the Boston trendy/hipster/form-fitting style, there are equally as many reasons why it drives me crazy. This picture, this is what EVERYONE is wearing right now. Take a random sampling of, oh say, 10 young people off the streets of Boston, or Brookline, or Somerville, or JP and I guarentee probably half will have on at least 2 articles of clothing from this picture. And yes, this picture was taken from the women’s wardrobe….HOWEVER and TRUST ME the clothes are interchangeable between the sexes (and all the other genders and sexes out there). Mix and match, match and don’t match…so long as you have some plaid, some skinny jeans, a hip hairdo, and some chunky glasses, you are GOOD TO GO.

Ah yes, smell that? Spring is in the air. And along with it, more trendy hipsters. Good thing this look is so goddamn flattering on everybody! It forces you to find clothes that fit just right to your body, and not only gives you a bold silhouette, and an edgy vibe, you can walk into an interview in these clothes and people will know that if you can match patterns so boldly than obviously you’re a smart risk-taker for the workplace.

Anyways, just something I’ve noticed. Love me some hipsters, I do. And so does Boston, because while this look is world-wide for sure, Beantown is getting down hardcore with it. And don’t worry loyal readers, I’m not here to judge, the Downtown Crossing H&M employees recognize me now.

Further comments to come on being well-dressed. Stay tuned you hep cats and apathetic trendsters.

On (not) Getting Older

[Originally posted on March 10th 2010]

To all my friends (who don’t yet actually read this blog)

Porch Nights. Remember those times? When it didn’t matter what else was going on around campus that night. When it didn’t matter if it was the beginning of a new semester, the start of a fucked up summer, or freaking well below zero, with several inches of snow on the ground, we were there, on a porch. Oh, there were a couple porches that go down in history (I’m not naming names…67 you dirty slut) but at the end of a day, or the beginning of a night it was on a porch where we would park it. With liquor in hand, cigarettes a plenty, and words to be said we would arm ourselves against the mind-bending struggle that was college. And we were there with each other, our friends, and we would get by.

So, then I find myself tonight with an overwhelming urge to go out onto my (very small) back porch. And while I am a sucker for having some quiet moments on a porch, enjoying the way nighttime air feels, and relishing the fact that it is not really that warm but I’m a tough New England-er so who gives a shit, overall the experience was not what I was looking for. And I realized, that I was looking for a Porch Night, capitol ‘P’, capitol ‘N’. I was looking for something stronger in my mug than just caffeine, and I was looking for more than just cool night air, I was looking for the friends, I was looking to get by with a little help.

However, don’t fret faithful readers, this is not a nostalgia piece. No, no, reminiscing about college is still a little too “fall down the rabbit hole” for me to do with any frequency. Not to mention I still have my fair share of college-esque displays on a weekly basis. So I don’t have to think back too far. No, this was more of a question. A question of when did we become adults? Or sort of adults. When did college even end? Was I ready for that? FUCK. YES I WAS. For the most part…

But still….where does it go from here? More responsibility perhaps, less time for porch nights, or at least less time to get high - excuse me, BY - with your friends. And the strongest thing you’re knocking back is Metamucil?! Yes, perhaps.

All in good time, my steadfast readers, all in good time.

But while I wait I plan on always living somewhere with a porch. Just in case. And also keeping a bottle of bourbon around for good measure…didn’t you know, hot toddies are an old person drink?

….You heard it here.

On Getting a Second Wind

[Originally posted on March 4th 2010]

It’s hard to say what makes you wake up in a good mood. Was it a good night’s sleep? A great dream? The prospect of a new tomorrow? The sun shining? Could it really just be waking up on the right side of the bed? Well, whatever the hundreds of reasons it could be, every now and again you get to wake up in a profoundly good mood before your feet have even touched the cold wood floor.

Today was one of those days. Now I can’t say how the rest of the day will proceed…working in a lab leaves much to be determined in the spur of the moment, but still, here I am: 9:40 Thursday morning, Passion Pit Pandora station is playing, it started snowing, and I am excited for this day.

Perhaps it is the GREAT hair day I am having, that definitely adds. Perhaps it’s this outfit that is just working today. Or maybe my chest being particularly flat (which always makes everything better for sure). But on top of all of these reasons, there is also a little something extra. A little pep in my step. And no, I didn’t get lucky last night - but that’s okay, we all know how I like to sleep diagonal in the bed anyways. So, what then, is the cause of this little extra bit of happy, this extra strong beating heart in the face of all the things that could go wrong? Here’s my thought:

It’s March 4th. The only day in the entire year that is, in fact, a sentence, a command really. Think about it: March forth. And here’s what it’s telling me. It’s telling me to push onward, move forward, get going, keep going, pick up and start over, try again, get a beat in my step and that song in my heart (which is almost always Cut Copy, Delphic, or Phoenix as of late). If I’m going to listen to any day of the year, I’ll have it be today. February has just ended, and was gross for that matter, and now March is here, with the prospect of bringing still worse Massachusetts weather. And things are starting to get heavy again when I think of the person I am, the person I’m becoming. And then, here is this day, telling me not to worry. For just one moment, don’t fret. March forth, because there is more on the horizon and it’s bound to be epic, in whatever way possible.

So this day tells us…this day commands us to march forth. To proceed in the face of whatever is the ugly and painful. As in war, march forth and let hell come towards you if it dares, but you have a strong pace, a set jaw, and a killer beat moving through your bones. I’m pretty positive not much can stop that.

In fact, I’m stoked to see what happens next. So, onward.

Here’s to you, March fourth. And to us, march forth.

On Something New

[Originally posted on February 25th 2010]

So. Blog. Never saw that day coming.

However, recently I have been writing everywhere: in a journal that only I know about, on live journal (also a new development) in the margins of my books, on my hands. And since I have diligently been following Jenn’s blog, I thought that perhaps I could do that too - it will be certainly nowhere near as witty, but it will be another space for some of my thoughts. Yes, perhaps I need just one more outlet. I’ll do my damnedest to make this one the entertaining one though.

And so my first thought, that I felt the need to jot down, because I found it just too perfect, was this: The queers really are EVERYWHERE aren’t we?

I am in my lab today, at an undisclosed sciencey venue, where smarts are abundant, fashion sense is lacking, and social skills are fleeting, and any discernible traits someone has that could help my Gaydar are washed away by unisex lab coats, greasy hair, and the need to wear comfortable “lab appropriate clothes”. Well now, shit…what’s a little male-presenting genderqueer to do in this situation?! I had pretty much given up hope that there were any allies among all the scientists here, at least not allies who would openly discuss, accept, support, and be out and proud with me. Until today…

Today the labs of the Jaharis were of woodwork, and the queers were coming out.

During a shared lunch with a nice young woman who works in a lab on the same floor as me she began to discuss how stressed she was about trying to finish her thesis and organize a conference at the same time. When I asked what the conference was for she replied with “I’m heading up a queer-poly-kink conference and I’m going to be presenting on my specialty - ropes.”

Well tie me up and call me…uhh…a safe word? I definitely wasn’t expecting to hear that. But she explained that she felt safe around me talking about this stuff, because well, in so many words, have you seen me? Yes, yes I have, thank you. She asked how I identified, and we shared fascinating stories of life lived on the fringe in a field where personalities can get pretty swamped under experiments and brains. We both left lunch feeling a little more heard and a little less alone. And in my case for sure, thinking that the queers and the gays and the kinks and the polys and the “weirdos” and the minorities really are everywhere, we still just have to be cautious, putting out feelers first, ready to dart back into our safety zone if something looks suspicious and only tentatively finding others around us who know exactly how we feel.

Later this same day, as I purified PCR product in a different lab on a different floor (to avoid contamination, obviously) the cute blond girl who I frequently see in that lab struck up a conversation with me. I’m not sure if everyone that day was just in a sharing mood, or if I have “trust me, I don’t judge, have ya seen me?” taped to my forward but either way by the end of our brief 5 minute conversation she had not only made it clear that she loves gay marriage and a woman’s right to choose, but that religion can be a bit overwhelming, and that rainy days make her blue. We got deep. I’m honestly not sure if she is “one of us” (I’m keeping my fingers crossed) but either way she is clearly another ally and quite hysterical to boot.

And so, I was impressed by today, to learn that in fact, I am definitely not the only one at my job who practices one of those “devious lifestyles”. And to be honest, I’m glad that’s the case, it can get quite lonely at the top. And by at the top I mean in the margins. I think it all might just be another testament to the fact that the GLBTQI… community really is everywhere and the rest of the world should stop taking us for granted. We have big hopes and dreams, and we work in big time universities, developing your cures. So careful now.

All in all I feel better seen, by comrades, and while I’m pretty sure I still don’t have any allies in the “oh, you shop in the H&M men's department, AND know how to layer patters too??” category, I’ll take what I can get.

So that’s a blog, huh? Nifty.